T he Acid Test of True Love

What is Love?
-Psychiatrist Harry Stack Sullivan says:
"When the satisfaction, happiness, and security of another are as real to you as your own, you truly love that person." This desire to see you satisfied, happy, and secure is more than a feeling. It is more permanent than an emotion. It is an act of my mind and my will. It is my decision and my commitment. In other words, I decide that I am going to love you as I love myself. And I am committed to provide as best I can whatever promotes your true happiness.Therefore, my motive of love, according to John Powell, should clearly exclude:
· Hurting or punishing you. Retaliating for something you have done. Putting you down, back into your place.· Getting you off my back by closing you out. Keeping you at a distance. Manipulating you to feel or act in a way that would please me. Ventilating, dumping my "emotional garbage" on you. Refusing to listen to you. Building walls between us. Ridiculing, chastising, judging, or competing in order to surpass you.

2. What are the Acid Tests of True Love? I suggest that there are two acid tests for love: They are:
i) Self-forgetfulness
ii) Good temper.
i) Self-forgetfulness For love to be true, I must really forget myself. Can I truly focus my mind on your happiness and your fulfillment? Can I deny myself? Can I make sacrifices of my needs for you? We are all selfish by nature. We normally look after ourselves first, last and always. Our Selfish Nature consists of:· Self-centredness---looking at self, watching self, examining self and always regarding self. · Self-conceit---how ready we are to defend self and to condemn the same things in others! · Self-indulgence---we are very indulgent with self; we prohibit things in the other person but it does not matter if we do the same thing ourselves. · Self-pleasing---always doing things that please us. · Self-seeking---always looking out for self interest. · Self-pity---why should people treat us like this?---we have done no harm; we are not in the wrong at all---why should people be so difficult?---we are given a hard time and it really isn’t fair. · Self-sensitiveness---how touchy we are, how easily wounded, imagining difficulties and attacks, seeing them when they are not there, an abominable sensitivity. · Self-defence---always on the defensive, waiting for people to be unpleasant, and because we are like that, we almost make them unpleasant---we are on the defensive.· Self-assertion---asserting self; we desire things, and we must have them. · Self-sufficiency---we want to be in a position to say that ‘I am a self-made man who worships his creator (himself).’ Thus for my love to be true, I must not live only for myself. I must not think only of myself. I must not have the attitude---none but myself. I must consciously decide and commit myself to do all for your happiness and security. ii) Good Temper We are inclined to look upon hot temper as a very harmless weakness. We often speak of it as a mere infirmity of nature, a family failing or a matter of temperament. We don’t take bad temper very seriously when we assess a man's character. But, frequent quick temper is a revelation: a symptom of an unloving heart at the bottom. It is the constant feverish outburst which speaks of the real disease within. It is the intermittent bubble that escapes to the surface and this betrays that there is some rottenness underneath. For a want of patience, a want of kindness, a want of generosity, a want of courtesy, a want of unselfishness, are all instantaneously symbolized in one flash of temper. No form of vice, not worldliness, not greed of gold, not drunkenness itself, does more to harm to the family than evil temper. For embittering life, for destroying the most sacred relationships, for devastating homes, for withering up men and women, for taking the bloom off childhood, for breaking up communities: in short, for sheer misery-producing power, this temper influence stands alone. What is bad temper made of? The ingredients of all ill temper are partly jealousy, anger, pride, un-charity, cruelty, self-righteousness, touchiness, doggedness and sullenness. And temper can be obvious or it can be subtle. Temper manifests itself in some of the following ways:a) Explosion----we rage, we use anger to lash out at others and intimidate them, we are easily ruffled.b) Implosion----we give the silent treatment, we sulk, we are moody, we are sullen, we turn it inward and beat ourselves up.c) Irritation---we have little tolerance, we are out of control, we are cold, we are touchy.d) Repetition---we nag constantly, we are stuck in the same angry groove. It is best to avoid all forms of anger because if we give anger an inch, it will take a mile. So don’t let anger get a foothold in our hearts. For once anger gets into our hearts, it is hard to uproot. And if we let the sun go down on our anger, our hearts will harden into resentment and bitterness.3. What are the Ingredients of Love? When we pass light through a prism, we get the colors of the rainbow: red, and blue, and yellow, and violet, and orange, etc. Similarly when we pass love through the spiritual prism, we get the ingredients of love. The ingredients of love, as in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, are:· Patience (Listen more) -- Love suffers long · Kindness (Goodness) -- Love is kind · Generosity (Sacrifices) -- Love does not envy· Humility (Less ego) -- Love does not parade itself and is not puffed up· Courtesy (Polite) -- Love does not behave rudely · Selflessness (Thoughtful) -- Love does not seek its own· Good temper (Gentle) -- Love is not provoked· Guilelessness (Forgiving) -- Love thinks no evil· Sincerity (Honesty) -- Love does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth · Forbearance (Accepting) -- Love bears all things· Faithfulness (Committed) -- Love believes all things·